Stealing Fruit (edit 2)

[Achebe]

An early version of this poem was described by other reviewers as "a bit Mills and Boon" in places, so I'm keen to know if this reworking carries credibility.

Stealing Fruit
 
The oak at my back
was a useless sentry.-------------------If it was useless because the pines saw what you did...then are you sure you were curtained by the undergrowth? Logic melt
Pine circled                            ------- Pine-encircled or Pines circled would be fine...could try something like Pines gathered too
like witnesses around casualties, ------------at an accident / like byst around bodies
while undergrowth in chlorophyll robes --------- a very ugly line
curtained privacy
for a crop crying out to be eaten, -------------------- I like this line. Rich. 
though mine to neither pick nor taste. --------------- Slight problem with the metaphor here. Fruit does not grow in the undergrowth, unless you're thinking strawberries. Fallen fruit doesn't need to be picked, right? If you're thinking strawberries...then perhaps the title ought to be 'Stealing strawberries' to avoid the confusion?
 
Blushed skin, freckled with fine hair
brushed my mouth, releasing ----------- Beautiful
notes of almost summer---------- "almost" anything is almost a poetic cliche. Otherwise, it's a rich metaphor if your kisser is an 18 year old girl. Or 29. Or 39. Depending on your age and preference. But if it's too hard, leave the cliche in. I like the idea of an 'almost summer' fruit and an 'almost summer' woman.

that approached my palate
then gently withdrew.
The morsel hastened a mouthful
and now my prize bit back,
resisting while yielding
and tasting while being consumed. ------------- The entire section for me is quite wonderful. I can almost feel the sour-tingly rush of a slightly unripe peach or a kiwi as a I read it, reinforcing the image of kissing a young chick.
Eager participants in mutual destruction. --------- About as thrilling as a screw manufacturer's Annual General Meeting. This is a terribly clunky line that doesn't do justice to the ones above.

Oak and pine enshrine our secrets ------------ 'enshrine' as a synonym for layered burial? better to use 'entomb' or 'inhume' or just 'bury'.
one circle deeper with each passing year. ------------ so far so good, but this image of tree rings doesn't work with 'taste' in the next line.
But taste fades like memories, ----------- what's the 'but' about? Your intention is to contrast the tangible, fixed nature in which tree rings record time with the changing, variable nature of our memories. But the first two lines are talking about how the history is buried, not how it is recorded in a fixed, unchanging way (not that the tree ring record will show that you kissed in proximity to it). This is for me why the line doesn't work.

never forgotten, only losing
potency with each reimagining.
Like the shrinking shadow of her scent 
where she rested briefly against my shoulder. ------------------ I don't want to quibble about 'shadow of scent'....this is delightful.

Overall - this is a solid pome. I read it on my handheld on the way to a meeting and enjoyed it immensely.