Stealing Fruit (edit 2)

[billy]

the good thing is that you never once wrote meat dagger pole, shaft or thrust.

where i've put denotes either millzy or wtf. sometimtes both in general there'as a good poem in there that needs a few edits in order to make it more credible, what i do like is that you tried to use originality.

An early version of this poem was described by other reviewers as "a bit Mills and Boon" in places, so I'm keen to know if this reworking carries credibility.

Stealing Fruit
 
The oak at my back i like the [k]s but feel it too short to end where it did. would anything be added by moving up [was useless] and letting the 2nd be changed to as a sentry?
was a useless sentry.
Pine circled [pine what, furniture?] would pines or pine trees or firs or something else work better?
like witnesses around casualties, casualties feels clunky. a suggestion would be [a casuality] or an [accident]
while undergrowth in chlorophyll robes
curtained privacy
for a crop crying out to be eaten, what's [a crop] i know what it is but it feels wrong, [out] isn't really needed, i would have loved to have read [a cherry]
though mine to neither pick nor taste.
 
Blushed skin, freckled with fine hair good [f's]
brushed my mouth, releasing
notes of almost summer
that approached my palate
then gently withdrew.
The morsel hastened a mouthful
and now my prize bit back,
resisting while yielding
and tasting while being consumed.
Eager participants in mutual destruction.
 
Oak and pine enshrine our secrets could a better word than enshrine be used?
one circle deeper with each passing year.
But taste fades like memories,
never forgotten, only losing
potency with each reimagining.
Like the shrinking shadow of her scent
where she rested briefly against my shoulder.