November Sun - 2.0

[dukealien]

(snip)

dukealien: I understand what you're saying about the broken iambic in L2 but I have no ideas thus far on how to address it. I tried to rework the meter in L10 and L11. I'm still unsure about L10 as the meaning is slightly different now. Using "as if she'd" in L11 was my first choice but I'd already used "as if" and tried to get around a second instance. 


(snip)

Excellent point, failed to connect this with the earlier instance.  Perhaps it could be, "as though she'd" for variety without changing sense or meter?  The sound is different - no "i" in it, a little heavier than "if" or "like."