~ Cold Walls ~

[the man with the spoon]

Wrote this a long time ago, and brought it from the dead because me and my friend were talking about things we've wrote.
I'm no grammar perfectionist and rather focus on the story to be honest, but I still want to hear what you guys thought! Thanks!

These walls are cold,
Although it's spring.
Trapped in this winter,
Seeking some heat.

I once was warm beneath your sleeve,
Even if if was negative 20 degrees.
Now that fire has been hit by a storm
And that warmth is extinguished by the ice cold breeze.

Although it may seem like a terrible thing ,
I've found a solution to heal my agony.
I hide under my cold blanket, every single night,
To heal my burns from the scorching light.

It may hurt now,
It may hurt forever,
But as long as I've got this blanket,
I can lay here and think about us together.

touching poem, but however there are a few issues i see, the story has good flow, but when i get about 2/3 through it you bring in this "blanket", and you end the poem with this "blanket", my thoughts are if you are gonna try to hit home hard with the blanket try to incorporate it earlier. also id switch the line "i hide under my cold blanket" to "i hide under our cold blanket" let the readers see that connection more literally before you bring in figurative relations. this poem does have a lot of potential and im sure with a bit of work it can be improved a lot