I want to kill again

[elviaje26]

You're working nice with plain statements, and repeating words like savory. The statements seem dishonest though. If they are honest to God statements then they're cheap. If they're irony they are weak, they feel more sarcastic than ironic, and sarcasm is cheaper. All irony is cheap sarcasm unless you really mean what you say, or the poem does. The first few lines set up something that never comes.

very helpful, thanks

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The title and the first two lines made me want to read more, after that it kinda of fell apart into pretentiousness and arrogant sarcasm (imo).

I appreciate the impact the repetition of "pray for war" has on the piece, and I think that part is effective.  I also that the lines "to kill people and be a hero". it is a nice juxtaposition that get your attention, but I think the line before it drags on for way to line, be on a mission adds nothing to the poem for example.


overall, I think there is a lot of lines that meander pointlessly, the third line for instance.


also, the foreigners is too generic. We don't want to kill the Brits or the Canooks, for instance

very helpful thanks