11-04-2015, 10:23 AM
The title and the first two lines made me want to read more, after that it kinda of fell apart into pretentiousness and arrogant sarcasm (imo).
I appreciate the impact the repetition of "pray for war" has on the piece, and I think that part is effective. I also that the lines "to kill people and be a hero". it is a nice juxtaposition that gets your attention, but I think the line before it drags on for way to long, "be on a mission" adds nothing to the poem for example.
overall, I think there is a lot of lines that meander pointlessly, the third line for instance.
also, the foreigners is too generic. We don't want to kill the Brits or the Canooks, for instance
I appreciate the impact the repetition of "pray for war" has on the piece, and I think that part is effective. I also that the lines "to kill people and be a hero". it is a nice juxtaposition that gets your attention, but I think the line before it drags on for way to long, "be on a mission" adds nothing to the poem for example.
overall, I think there is a lot of lines that meander pointlessly, the third line for instance.
also, the foreigners is too generic. We don't want to kill the Brits or the Canooks, for instance