11-03-2015, 03:40 PM
I like the second and fourth stanzas in particular. Maybe because I feel like I can relate to the message of your poem in this stage of my life, but I digress :P
The line ending in "agony" seems out of place. I think it's the rhyme scheme, I would try to edit this line a bit to say something similar, perhaps ending in the same way "thing" does.
I also like how the lines in the first stanza are so brief. It allows you to really effectively build emotion in your poem later on by lengthening and complicating the symbolism.
The line ending in "agony" seems out of place. I think it's the rhyme scheme, I would try to edit this line a bit to say something similar, perhaps ending in the same way "thing" does.
I also like how the lines in the first stanza are so brief. It allows you to really effectively build emotion in your poem later on by lengthening and complicating the symbolism.