10-31-2015, 10:47 PM
Hum. "Could-have-beens" does sound better, and somehow, issues of luck would make the speaker's voice more vague (plus, blaming it on more than yourself is definitely something I can better sympathize with). Sonically, "stench" is a bit rough, but thought-wise, it definitely is better -- I'll stick with the current compromise, though. I agree with "rose of", both thought-wise, since it creates a neat parallel for the hawthorn's roses, and sound-wise. The "they" is, well, the proverbial they, the everyone else, the wiser masses and all that jazz. Now that I think about it, "could-have-beens" really would play better with that. And I wanted to keep all the lines of that section continuous in terms of time, so though "mock" could work, it would be a bit discontinuous from its neighbors, thus possibly inspiring something other than the desired flashback. Thanks for the input!