Early bird feeds the worms.

[ellajam]

Hi, GB, welcome to the Pen. I enjoyed this one. I'm not so sure about the title, cute but they don't end up on the compost pile. A few notes are below.

I put this light-hearted piece together after meeting my mother-in-law's new chicks.
Let me know what you think :-)


Early bird feeds the worms.

The first chick to hatch
Was christened by the children colon after children? not necessary, just a thought.
Lulu, first of her name.
I like the dignity (alas, misplaced) of first of her name.

Though three promptly followed
No more names were issued
Until destiny swooped
To earmark; coop or stove.
I like the sound of followed/issued, swoop/coop.

Full plumage erupted
Necks stretched to wringing length Smiled at this line.
And resplendent crests showed
Us, the cocks from the hens.
I could do without "us", otherwise beautifully descriptive.

So Lulu made the plate
His girls were sent to lay
The key to long and sheltered life?
Be a cockerel, nay.
Strong ending.

One other thing, I wonder what you think the poem gains by capitalizing each line. The poem has some old-fashioned language so it may suit, it might be me that find capitals to start sentences a smoother read.

Thanks for posting this, a fun poem.