10-27-2015, 01:36 AM
This was a challenging one, which I found both frustrating and kind of nice. I had to to work to get this one, haha. I think some of the imagery is a little unclear, but I got a general idea of what was going on. One small thing that I noticed was "unpicking locks" seems unnecessary. Either you pick locks, or you don't, but you don't unpick them. Also I did not understand the last two lines of the third stanza. Overall, I did like it, though. I think it has potential, but I think some of the symbolism could be made more relatable (though some of it is perfect as-is, like the horizon bits). For instance, the first and fifth stanzas were more difficult to grasp for me, whereas the other ones I could follow after reading it a few times.