En Passant in 7/8

[hlaibo]

My first attempt in the open air so I'm really interested in feedback!


En Passant in 7/8

We danced,
An orbital elliptic,
Asymptotically feral,
Yet in time,
The heart meters,
An inconsolable joy.

You painted a lovely picture with such few words! What I really enjoyed was how you were able to tie elements of shape, time, and motion into an emotional consequence. 

"Asymptotically" was an interesting choice, and I think I understand why you used it as the mathematical connotations of a curved line play well with the orbital shape earlier. Something about it trips me up on first read, but it gets better the second and third time through.

Great job overall!