10-26-2015, 07:03 AM
Powerful stuff! I have to say that the edit is a vast improvement over the original; fantastically streamlined and really cuts to the core of the original material.
There are just two things that suffer in the edit:
1. The title - is "No Resolve" now the title? I feel that using a time-frame as the title gave much more power to the poem.
2. "Crammed with drive" - sounds too colloquial and out of keeping with the new content. I much preferred "full of steadfast drive" and think that this works better with the new version.
There are just two things that suffer in the edit:
1. The title - is "No Resolve" now the title? I feel that using a time-frame as the title gave much more power to the poem.
2. "Crammed with drive" - sounds too colloquial and out of keeping with the new content. I much preferred "full of steadfast drive" and think that this works better with the new version.