(10-22-2015, 10:12 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: I like this one. You really do seem to be getting the hang of this 
The last two lines feel too repetitive (pours and wet implying each other, I mean) without being a reinforcement of a real turn, though. I would suggest something other than wet, instead: there's something very specific about that shower's season to me, but of course you were the one who had the experience. Other than that, this is tight, tangible, and there's a much stronger hit of thought without having actually been thought of (no metaphors that are metaphors, I mean), and the picture works much better here, with the polaroid effect enhancing the immediacy.
Yes, things been a click'n in my head about this stuff.
I agree about pours and wet. I see now that part two of the haiku should not be directly related to part two, should be a spearate concrete image from the whole however. "this
wet morning" would have been enough, no?
Thank you for your comments
