10-17-2015, 06:15 PM
The shorter the poem, the more intensity it has to demonstrate on an exponential scale. A picture in support to help convey imagery means that the wording isn't doing its job.
'Shiny' is superfluous as this quality is suggested in silver anyway. And birch leaves exhibit pale gold/brown/yellowy hues, nowhere near silver. Apart from a coin belt, belly dancers also wear gold chains and jewellery around their hips, so with that, it may be better to compare their colours and flutterings/shimmerings with birch leaves.
Just a couple of thoughts.
'Shiny' is superfluous as this quality is suggested in silver anyway. And birch leaves exhibit pale gold/brown/yellowy hues, nowhere near silver. Apart from a coin belt, belly dancers also wear gold chains and jewellery around their hips, so with that, it may be better to compare their colours and flutterings/shimmerings with birch leaves.
Just a couple of thoughts.
A poet who can't make the language sing doesn't start. Hence the shortage of real poems amongst the global planktonic field of duds. - Clive James.