10-17-2015, 05:04 PM
Echo: there really is no point in the syllabic dissection of "megalomaniacs", and the title is just plain silly: life is such a multifaceted thing, that to limit it to the scope of one generation's "problems" ends up making the speaker just as problematic as the people he or she's supposedly talking about.
Not an echo: Here's my take on the spring:
"This self-absorbed
and dispossessed Two starting lines are good...
communion of megalomaniacs This is a long sentence in terms of syllables, but rhythmically it's a good break, I think, and in terms of meaning it works with the brevity of the other lines.
with cameras poised
like bayonets
to placidly "Placidly" is too sweet in sound for this.
impale themselves
do so, but do so nonetheless, What was the point of the capital here?
and thus die happy in the end." ...just as these two lines are meaningless.
And now on the summer: The first two lines ooze with strength in pointing out social sickness. Then, "communion", again a beautiful contrast, and....megalomaniacs? What do you think of power, or why would someone "self-absorbed" and "dispossessed" be ever concerned with it?
"Cameras poised like bayonets" is not an unfair cliche. It does feel like an unfair and ill-considered metaphor, however -- this may be a critique of "vanity", but then what is "vanity"?
or at least try with more style. There's an audience for everything these days.
Not an echo: Here's my take on the spring:
"This self-absorbed
and dispossessed Two starting lines are good...
communion of megalomaniacs This is a long sentence in terms of syllables, but rhythmically it's a good break, I think, and in terms of meaning it works with the brevity of the other lines.
with cameras poised
like bayonets
to placidly "Placidly" is too sweet in sound for this.
impale themselves
do so, but do so nonetheless, What was the point of the capital here?
and thus die happy in the end." ...just as these two lines are meaningless.
And now on the summer: The first two lines ooze with strength in pointing out social sickness. Then, "communion", again a beautiful contrast, and....megalomaniacs? What do you think of power, or why would someone "self-absorbed" and "dispossessed" be ever concerned with it?
"Cameras poised like bayonets" is not an unfair cliche. It does feel like an unfair and ill-considered metaphor, however -- this may be a critique of "vanity", but then what is "vanity"?
(10-08-2015, 09:29 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:It's not really the critic that is ignored, but the criticism. Look beyond time, and you will see: what is today's "vanity" but ancient pleasures digitized? That is, try again--(10-08-2015, 12:51 AM)calypist Wrote: I was trying to say that as self indulgent and vain as this generation may seem to be, it's critics like me who complain about it and die unhappyyy on the fringes. I've been reading a lot of Voltaire lately. Do so, but do so none the less, while I do nothing at all but brood. To do is to be, to be Is to do. What purpose does any of my critique serve in the end?
And so, pursuing that reasoning, what purpose does life serve?
Look back, it's what you had for breakfast.
or at least try with more style. There's an audience for everything these days.