Birch Leaves

[RiverNotch]

Hi, jly,  This really works for me, just the last line seems unnecessary., birch is in the title and there's plenty of movement in the middle line, maybe you can come up with something else than can apply to both birch leaves and belly dancers.

I read river's comment and have to add that in my read I did not equate a belly dancer's celebration of her body with harlotry. And even if I did, the strong image of shimmying hips and leaves would be fine, and well done.

I guess that's a limit of the culture I've experienced that I could then remember: I've given the poem some more thought, and I agree that the whole comment doesn't really work, while the poem and its metaphor does. That said, the first and final parts of the comment, I think, still stand: there's very clear association here, but no actual, plain experience. The fact that everything's based around a metaphor, and worse still, a metaphor and an actual picture, robs the poem of its unity, its haiku-ness. Otherwise, better than first read!