A Hen Lays

[tectak]

This comes from doing some work in the lower field the other day in open autumn air. There is one particular hen belonging to the next door neighbor, who, when laying eggs, sounds as if she is birthing a volkswagen.  The first time I heard her I ran to see if she was in serious trouble. Now I know better. Anyway, that day, while working, she started crying out as she does laying and egg when simultaneously a lone shot rang out from the woods from some distance. A hunter, I presume. The idea of a crack and an egg was immediate but I see a bit to esoteric. 

See if this works better:

In fresh autumn air

the rifle shot heralds

a new chicken egg



or maybe I should just can the whole thing!!

Look, this is a good idea. I know I will get lynched by the free-range good eggs,but you are missing golden opportunities by not sticking to 575.
The great anagrams are the simplest. Fired and fried.
Go to work on it.

The autumn air cracks;
a distant rifle fired.
Egg laid; fried I think.

Your poem.
It's the thinking that's fun.
Best,
tectak

That's very fun! I may end up back at 5-7-5 yet but want to play a bit more first.

---

Completely revised:

In autumn air- together
they speak of the certainty
of birth then death

Not a revision,
It's lost all precision. Now
not as envisioned.
Best,
tectak