The Clock

[John]

Looking at your first and last lines, they appear diametrically stressed. Through your poem, you've used softer words, and adjectives commensurate with painting e.g. chime, silent, paint our little pictures, deftly, colour, virtue, beauty, bliss etc. Yet you've started with two exclaimed words to which you didn't want to draw attention.

Tick. Tock.
Sometimes we're deaf to the chimes,
to the silent advice that time
is running out. (I'd end stop here to prevent a longer sentence running on.)

Is 'canvas of life' a cliché?

Tick! Tick! It clicks.
Though we hear its chime,
we do not always heed the silent advice  
that time is running out
for us to paint our little pictures
on the canvas of life.
Let us paint as deftly as we can:
contours designed with vision and worthy aims,
filled with the hues of our talents and creativity,
embellished with the sweat of toiling hands,
and scintillating with the colors of virtues May limit your palette to white... What about 'unique colours'?
expressed in virtuous deeds.  Virtues and virtuous is doubling up.
In the unfolding beauty of our creations
we too may find Be positive
fulfillment and bliss. I think bliss is a bit corny.

Natural speech rhythm matches your lines, but they can still be pared of extraneous words. It'll stand tightening.

Just a few thoughts if they're of any benefit.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this.

Cheers.