10-11-2015, 09:15 AM
Lovely and simple! For me the message was loud and clear, sometimes life is unfair and loneliness accompanied with lack of accomplishment can be tough burdens, especially when you know you are running out of time and there are no chances left to turn your life around. For me, the last stanza was the strongest cause it vanished all hope. I agree with rayheinrich though... the connection between the reader and the man was poor. I think that it'd be interesting if the poetic speaker had a small dialogue with the man to reinforce the connection of the reader and the old man . I don't mean to say that you should add a dialogue though, it's just an idea!
"He's lived life with love
Showed nothing but kindness
Yet still no beauty to adore
As 20/20 sight turns to blindness"
"He's lived life with love" there is an alliteration of the word "L" in this line which serves no purpose for me. "Yet still no beauty to adore", I think that this line was awkward and forced to accomplish rhyme which made me stutter while reading it. In terms of meaning, I believe that virtues like love and kindness come in contrast with beauty and sight that are superficial things. There is the indication that because he has given love and kindness he should have been rewarded with beauty.
"He's lived life with love
Showed nothing but kindness
Yet still no beauty to adore
As 20/20 sight turns to blindness"
"He's lived life with love" there is an alliteration of the word "L" in this line which serves no purpose for me. "Yet still no beauty to adore", I think that this line was awkward and forced to accomplish rhyme which made me stutter while reading it. In terms of meaning, I believe that virtues like love and kindness come in contrast with beauty and sight that are superficial things. There is the indication that because he has given love and kindness he should have been rewarded with beauty.