My Fear

[rayheinrich]

The main problem is taking so many lines to state the obvious. There's no clue as to why,
no tragic flaw mentioned. And yes, a poem doesn't need to explain. But if it doesn't,
it needs to supply a more detailed description of his suffering. Some images of the man,
a description of his thoughts. Without this, it's a skeleton.
Ray

That's just the point. There is no explanation. No tragic flaw. It's my biggest fear. Growing old alone. .. with no good reason for it. A man with so much love to give. Who wants a family so badly. ... being cursed to be alone. For no good reason other than that life is simply unfair.

That's a reasonable goal. I guess I'd modify my crit to say:
"a more accessible portrayal of his suffering". Include some personal details,
some specific incident(s)? The descriptions are far away, viewed too
clinically. The connection between the reader and the man needs to
be strengthened; to be felt rather than described. Some positive lines
might be introduced to heighten the despair...
ray