10-10-2015, 08:50 PM
I really enjoyed the beginning of your poem, however as the other commenters mention, it loses its flow as it progresses. I found myself getting lost between winter and summer; I think it might be helpful to have a more obvious shift between the two.
"but winter floods will capture all in view.
But violet days and weeks of reddened eyes"
I feel these two lines go awkwardly together, both starting with "but," maybe try removing or replacing the second "but."
I forgot to mention this in my post, but really great title. It definitely grabbed my attention and made me want to read your poem, it has a nice flow to it.
"but winter floods will capture all in view.
But violet days and weeks of reddened eyes"
I feel these two lines go awkwardly together, both starting with "but," maybe try removing or replacing the second "but."
I forgot to mention this in my post, but really great title. It definitely grabbed my attention and made me want to read your poem, it has a nice flow to it.