[split] 3-14-15 'Ku or what's a ku?

[rayheinrich]

Good call, ella.
goodnight,
tectak

I will attempt to explain my reasoning, though I may be wrong on one or more points, I'm quite happy to hear why.
Do I have a traditional Haiku here?
Certainly not. What do I have?
Do I have a seasonal word or concept? - I think so. "first thaw" I don't think this is an obscure kigo. 

Do I have a cutting word, an "aha" moment, a Kireji ? - This is where, in my edit, I may have broken from tradition. Perhaps I have been too subtle believing that the joyous "mood" of spring's arrival at first thaw is quickly shown to be premature and there is still litter or shall we say the "baggage" of winter left to be dealt with. So no, there is no cutting word, but I believe the "turn" is implied. As I said, I could be quite wrong.

As far as syllables go, I haven't written a 5-7-5 haiku for a long time. I feel it is incorrect and further to that I think
2-4-2 is much closer in spirit. If I were to adhere to the misconception that English haiku should be in 5-7-5 I may have written this something like...

it is spring's first thaw
beneath the blanket reveals
cigarettes, dog shit

ouch, that's terrible. How can I edit this?

it is spring's first thaw
beneath the blanket reveals
cigarette butts
dog shit

...back where we started

I think for me the most important aspect in haiku is have I painted a seasonal image that a reader can understand, and have I done it with the best word economy I can?

Anyway guys, that's my thought process with this one. Feel free to dismantle my arguments and educate me further. This is why I come to class. 

Paul

My whole bit got moved. Here's the actual response part of the bit:

So haiku equals 
plain things, seasonal word,
and a big turn, right?

Your 'haiku' was plain, that much is sure.

The seasonal word was also plain, as you only get first thaw in spring (I think).

The big turn, however, is where things got itchy. I think you got a bit too economical, so now your poem looks--well, shit, I've not my wit tonight. Anyway, the turn might not have been clear enough for most of your readers (it sure wasn't clear to me, as my moved critique should show), and that's where you may have failed. That is, it's not obvious enough that the first thaw is what clears out to reveals the butts and shit, so it just feels like a mess of a parataxis. I guess the question now is how obvious the turn should be for a haiku to be, well, a haiku, and not, again, a mess of a parataxis, maybe.

        no kigo
        no turn -
        frozen haiku