10-09-2015, 03:55 PM
(10-09-2015, 07:25 AM)charlie142 Wrote: Temporary January
Never is it a crash, a plunge, a fall - very smooth and interesting starting line
rather it is a dull, soft thud, and then
a slow, seeping explosion of the walls;
a straining sigh, a colder cry, again.
At five o'clock a drag, the day is dead.
A flood moves in, a rush of damp, dark blue.
A dog - she barks, she tries to get ahead,
but winter floods will capture all in view.
But violet days and weeks of reddened eyes
all i'll??? catch the 67 bus away;
they have their day, but now is not the time
as ice-cream drips to giggling dismay.
For now we feel the summer shining down;
its promise one of such beautiful sound.This last line seemed to not a lot of enegry of feeling to it. I think the word "such" gives it a feel you might not intended. It also seems to be a bit of a tangent.