Murder Scene

[Achebe]

Suggestions below.
Some nice, descriptive lines. A few more strong, sensuous, images of blood and spilled guts would make a more compelling case for why the narrator views murder as porn.

Murder Scene
I heard the scream as it leapt for me.
The jaguar from the gullet of a young
woman leapt at me in leopard skin with a tan
forest behind it.  I did not hear the knife
as it parted her breast bone from her body.
I did not see the lifeless limping of the
murderer's smile.  I only heard the scream.

I longed to hear that vile exoticism again,
an ecstasy of fear and anguish released
unto the night like a loveless man releases
his loveless seed into his gaunt tissues. - clumped / clenched / used / cheap...but not gaunt.
I longed to feel that throbbing scream - cliche . 'hear' instead of 'feel'?
below my parted hands, and to draw blood
down between my palms.  Like a painter - a woodcarver? sculptor? Durer?
I'd carve my victims nicely, with a smile
or a crescent on their back.  I would not
be evil as I parted their body from its 
woes of living.  I would be their God,
their emancipator.  I remember the scream so
fondly, and the breast bone I gnawed on. - Great ending.