10-02-2015, 12:53 PM
hi andy. check out leannes post on basic meter here
at present the meter here is a bit wobbly bob. i'd personally only use caps where warranted, but thats just my preference. you used an odd comma and apostrophe that you could have done without via different word use.
at present the meter here is a bit wobbly bob. i'd personally only use caps where warranted, but thats just my preference. you used an odd comma and apostrophe that you could have done without via different word use.
(10-01-2015, 12:04 PM)AndyB Wrote: I'd appreciate some feedback on this poem, especially the meter and punctuation.
A Night in Arles, September 1888
Charles’ Wain over the Rhone
Stars of the north now in the south shone
The gaslights gleaming on the rivers edge
Witnessed the sky and the river wed
By the artist with his brush and palette
He stands on the bank and officiates
Webby waves of blue, gold and gray i don't get the use of webby. starry night admittedly seemed to be done with wavy strokes but webby doesn't seem to suit his art.
Cracked on canvas in thick strokes of paint
The constellation whitens the night
A somber couple stand in its light
The ships’ gongs whanging in your ear love whanging though it does remind me of something else.
The taste of salt is in the air