The Machine

[crow]

Hi, crow, I haven't listened yet but I remember this, here are some notes.

-----the machine

You try for what feels right. / But what feels good? / You are trying.

Eyelids

You could close your book and eyes. I'm missing the point of the above, I start here.
--It was experimental. If I can't make it meaningful, I'll cut. Good eye.
Count ten twice.
The flashing lights might stop then—
then, they might stop.

They won't. I've already got desperation, good.

You could run into a field of corn.
You would hear the crisp snap of the leaves shattering upon your advance. I remeber this line, that is a good thing, I like it.
You would smell dust.
You would get tiny, itchy cuts.
It would feel still and uncomfortable, and Not a fan of the first "and".
--agreed.
you would be self-conscious because even though running into a corn field seems natural, and maybe even wholesome, 
it isn't done, 
and the rattling sound betrays you,
and there are corn snakes,
if there are corn snakes. These five lines are fine with me, I like the paranoia vs the wholesome.

You could stop mid-stride and echo-locate the road fifty feet away.
You could stop mid-stride, and huff and pant, wondering at yourself for this queer election. I haven't figured out the queer election.
--it's the higher executive function distancing itself from the bestial. I'll find a better embodiment. I think the word "queer" is unnecessarily problematic. A word meaning "not like yourself" would be much better,  or that would mean "a choice you wouldn't ordinarily make."
Maybe you are powerful that way.
You could whistle loudly.
You could whistle quietly.
You could be a soundless animal. Even not getting queer election I like these four lines, they capture the crazy.

You could pretend to be mad in a public place.
You could stare at the thing you're worrying about.
You could masturbate in a gas station bathroom.
You could wash off with pink soap.
You could ask permission first and, after hearing no, cause distress by going into the bathroom anyway, for normal reasons. I'm not sure about "for normal reasons", I like the rest.
--it's a joking line. hmm . . . "Normal reasons" means basically "to urinate" as opposed to the other function associated with our private parts.

You won't.

You could cry out in pain. You could do it whenever you decide it would help. Do you need the second it?
-- . . . yes? This is the only place I'm grousy. I'll ditch this line and rewrite it from scratch. Lmk if I duff it again.

You won't.

You could refuse to continue to not be on the roof of anything—your car, your house, a crayon rendering of your house. I remember and love this line.

You could drink water in the shadow you have made. Meh on this, I don't really get it yet even though it sounds nice.
--it's a ref to an Aesop's fable. It's an artifact from an earlier draft that needs to be cut.

You won't. 

You could ask irrelevant questions to the pretty girl until she ceases to be joyful. You could hate yourself, then. Again, love this line, it rings of truth about the effects on the people around us.
You could carry yourself through Minyards as if in no past life were you ever once a slave. Meh on this line, maybe ok as that feeling of not being comfortable in one's station in life but it just 
doesn't move me.
--will change to "enslaved." good catch
You could practice holding eye contact, 
how to hold an orange, 
how to hold this orange. Very much like these three lines.

You won't. 

You could find someone to love.
You could stop phoning it in
all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time, all the time . . .
You could make yourself open to being wounded.

You won't.

Over and over.

You won't. 
The seven lines above don't add anything for me, IMO you've already said it and better.
--this is at the root of my issue w this poem. I'm not sure if it needs a "thesis" stanza. Any thoughts, from whomever, would be much appreciated.

You'll continue not to have past lives, or important secrets, or the ability to wink charmingly. Again, remember and love this line.
You'll have this life. This one.

And you will try not to blink when they come for you.

It will not matter.

You will blink. 

You are not allowed to say what you are thinking. I think you could end on the line above.

[audio:  https://dl.dropbox.com/s/xupfp2p5yc8v7vz...e.m4a?dl=1]

I hope this helps in some way.

--very much so