Cut Me an Atmosphere

[Alexearth]

Cut Me an Atmoshpere check the title for any mistakes


the camera-shy knife not fan of the weird adjective constructions in general
does not bleach the canvas.
It shrieks like the
handicapped sky, I like the idea here, but I would find a better adjective, synonym of "hurt"
it flays and breaks
the sad atmosphere.
It carves apart the
cumulus', cirrus', and I would keep just one word for this metaphor, and not list all the cloud forms that exist
the stratus' smiles.
It parts the bones
of the Oxygen, Nitrogen, same here
and trace breaths.
The space station above,
turns around the pan
of the frying egg of Earth just "frying Earth" maybe? I like the fact that the last five lines conclude what the reader is guessing from the beginning 
and cringes at the sharpness
of my hidden knife.
The cave-loving under-the- a little too rich in words here, and too many hyphens
table steel steals the not fan of the alliteration here
shrieking sky away, 
it dampens the burning
stars above, and it 
sands away the trees' bark. sends? I don't get it.
The flat frying egg of
this world, is no longer
an egg with a yolk, it's
all white here.  It's
all grown so bland. Good

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read my poem.  I don't generally share with a large audience at all (generally just my very caring girlfriend.)  Feel free to tear it apart and ask any questions you'd like to hear an answer to!!!

EDIT:  quickly changed the spacing in the poem.

Hello Kaxtar!

I'm going to be straightforward in my answer: I think you can say more with less. Though the egg-earth metaphor is a good one, quite original, I think you should cut down your poem, get rid of some adjectives and some additional metaphors. The five last lines are great though. Good luck!