An Empty Vessle, or a Broken Sea

[billy]

at present it reads too wordy for me. Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all [/i]the world, she walks into mine; the opening makes me think of cassablanca. [the film]
try and cut out excess, ie;

your face was missplaced
in a terror show

you could play with enjambment

your face was miss
placed in a terror show not saying do it, just saying it's one suggestion of many that could be.

is/was walking away
letting go?

go through the poem and say it in as few words as possible. then is the time to add/embellish, that's embellish not bury. great to see you intend to work at it.

An Empty Vessel, or Broken Sea?

How was I to know,
of all the faces
your's would be misplaced
in a terror show,
How could I had thought,
of walking away
Is the same as letting go,
Wasn't how I was taught, [it] wasn't...
How tough the folds,
become now that
The distance isn't as distant,
When I knew I was bold,
How comparable,
the shores of lands
Harbors once grand
And plentiful,
How their ports dry one season,
And became a dream
of man's greater comprise,
And broken comprehenions,
But if their was one thing, this and the next two lines add zero to the poem
They would say,
And we knew it,
We could have saved the day. big big cliche
Now the tide is of their illusion,
And so the ship's,
And so the man.
And we, too.