Nature Has the Write of Way (second draft, title change)

[billy]

at present it feels heavy and wordy. you've got some good lines in there though and it wouldn't take much to lighten the piece and make the relevant parts stand out the more.

and example;

Some people have nothing to write with
but the pen and paper provided by nature.

Some people have only the pen
and paper provided by nature.

less is often more. you have all the straightforward write. now do a line by line and turn it into something that resonates with each of us. google enjambment and see if line endings can be altered or moved. in the latter half of the poem it becomes emo like. use metaphor but try and be more subtle.

Nature Has the Write of Way

Some people have nothing to write with
but the pen and paper provided by nature.
A seaman with nothing but a fishing hook
tainted with the dried blood of his victims titans
to carve his words into [s]the wet sand;
a hunter in the woods, desperate to rid himself
of the guilt that plagued him at stealing
that feeble pheasant from its mother too soon,
plucking a lustrous feather from the fallen fowl
and dipping it into the sap of the maple tree
he returned to every day after a hunt
so he could ease his conscience.
Then there are those like the girl in her bedroom; the lamp
illuminating her dark eyes and
subtly tingeing her brown hair shades of copper.
She is overcome with frustration--she must write,
but no words will come. Letting a sigh of defeat
pass her lips, she lays her head upon the cluttered desktop,
and her sigh becomes a choked gasp of pain.
Raising her head, she removes the stylus from her eye,
and with the tip still damp with her blood and tears,
she proceeds to write more than she had ever written before.
When her poem was finished, she sat and pondered
the cruelties of give and take.
Her eye still throbbing and her masterpiece pristine,
she longed for frustration and a blank page.