09-19-2015, 10:54 PM
The first time was to please an ex
who viewed her graying with disdain--
what's with that bond of hair and sex? maybe this perspective shift is a little out of place. It's nitpicking, but it stood out to me compared to the rest of the poem written in third person, and here the single apparently of a narrator
She dove in with a chestnut stain,
a monthly rinse that did the trick.
Ten years flew by until she knew
her tresses, still dark brown and thick,
betrayed the truth as laugh lines grew.
New love in hand she faced herself:
"Hey, wait a minute, is that me?"
She put the bottle on the shelf,
embraced new curiosity. this is by far the weakest line in the poem.. It falls flat when it is compared to the rest of the poem
Now silver streaks reveal the trade: love the ending
her innocence for halo's shade.
Overall I'm a fan of the poem. It tells an interesting story, and the last two lines are satisfying. I agree that the title needs work.. I don't understand the tie in to the poem.
who viewed her graying with disdain--
what's with that bond of hair and sex? maybe this perspective shift is a little out of place. It's nitpicking, but it stood out to me compared to the rest of the poem written in third person, and here the single apparently of a narrator
She dove in with a chestnut stain,
a monthly rinse that did the trick.
Ten years flew by until she knew
her tresses, still dark brown and thick,
betrayed the truth as laugh lines grew.
New love in hand she faced herself:
"Hey, wait a minute, is that me?"
She put the bottle on the shelf,
embraced new curiosity. this is by far the weakest line in the poem.. It falls flat when it is compared to the rest of the poem
Now silver streaks reveal the trade: love the ending
her innocence for halo's shade.
Overall I'm a fan of the poem. It tells an interesting story, and the last two lines are satisfying. I agree that the title needs work.. I don't understand the tie in to the poem.
