Coming of Age, Again (Give an Inch) edit #4.1

[ellajam]

edit#4 (milo, true, news, jc, billy)

Give an Inch

The first time was to please an ex
who viewed her graying with disdain--
what's with that bond of hair and sex?
She dove in with a chestnut stain,
a monthly rinse that did the trick.
Ten years flew by until she knew
her tresses, still dark brown and thick,
betrayed the truth as laugh lines grew.
New love in hand she faced herself:
"Hey, wait a minute, is that me?"
She put the bottle on the shelf,
embraced new curiosity.
Now silver streaks reveal the trade:
her innocence for halo's shade.

Ten years flew by until she knew

her tresses, still dark brown and thick,
betrayed the truth as laugh lines grew.

Is excellent now.  It reads quite effortless.


I am not convinced by the couplet.  Something feels weird about it, probably the "halo's shade" part.

Thanks for the read, milo. Couplets allow so much freedom with their own rhyme, I don't know why I have so much trouble with them. I was hoping halo's shade might be a phrase with multiple meanings, but instead it might have none.  

Thanks, I'll rethink it.

Title ok?