Late again edit 1 (Leanne)

[Keith]

Let me take a pass at this one;

We were always late on a Mondays,--I hadn't noticed the "a" on my earlier read. Is that an unintended typo.
snow only made it worse.--I don't actually have a huge problem with these opening lines. I don't know if they add much more than the title does though. When you give the sense of lateness with the title you introduce tension. I'm not sure how Monday or the snow add anything later in the poem. So, you might be able to cut the lines entirely. 

The light was behind us,
a cold night's eye opened as you drove,--I like this image. It sets up driving at night with headlights behind the speaker. I guess it could also be the moon or the soon rising sun, but I'm thinking headlights. It also gives a sense of death that ultimate cold night. So it builds tension.
half asleep I felt gray-scale --I'd rather you show me half asleep than tell me.
against the Mexico’s yellow.--I love this introduction of color and kind of making the speaker a gray not entirely real thing. The phrasing is really nice here also.
We moved with morning shapes
shifting under pockets of mist.
Gently we drifted,
millimeters above the apex.--The vague choice (good) of morning shapes and pockets of mist give an unreal dreamy quality to the scene. If you can suggest half asleep above this will reinforce it. I like your m and sh sounds especially through this part.

If you’re going to hit a tree
Cedars are splendid and solid.--The upbeat town of this provides a bit of tension relief. Its unexpected.
If you think you might die,
then its shape will be quite dramatic
against the planted bulbs
and hand-placed flowers,
a pilgrimage
for family and friends
to find you for a while.--I'm not sold on "for a while" I think cutting and maybe introducing in the next words (But soon or But eventually"
But the plastic wallet
with your picture fades
and flower stems
forget their colour.--Kind of going back to the earlier gray-scale. Things become more unreal.

The force broke both my legs.
I couldn't cry-
I had to listen to you choke.---This might want a connection to the last line. Maybe "as I listened..."
In class they waited,
someone made a joke
about crash test dummies,
it turned out to be true.

This sets a scene and a reliable tone. There is a sense of moving between the real, and what isn't quite real as a means of coping. I still find the work quite strong and moving. I hope some of the comments help.

Best,

Todd

Sorry Todd I had missed this, you make some excellent comments here and I'm really not sure about the opening now I already cut a stanza about the canteen but I always write to much anyway. Thanks for this I plan to edit with your help. Best Keith

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I just love reading the thoughtful critiques of poems on this site like these.  I still don't have the skills/knowledge to render such responses.  I'm always like "I like this", or "this sucks".

You know, I like this or this sucks, only needs a because...... and you have yourself some feedback....I should take a leaf from my own book