My last day at 21 Semel Ave

[Mark A Becker]

Hello news-

I think most obits say "survived by his wife", so I'm guessing dad goes first. At least mine did.

A dark cloud paints the ceiling good image
where my dad sits.
A remnant to keep after remnant doesn't seem like the right word for that painting
he passes. I sometimes arbitrary line breaks, here and throughout
think about which parent will 
go first, and how long 
the other will take to follow. 

I think about the last day 
I spent the night I don't know that you need "the night"
in my childhood home. My dad
wept for me, a better life.
Drunk and ashamed he told me interesting how I don't who is drunk and ashamed. maybe both
to go. We wouldn't cry 
among each other, unless 
it was obligatory.Something 's missing here at the end, and I'm not sure about the way you end it. If I had a suggestion I'd offer...

Whether or not this is a "real" story (from the writer's life), it is a story that has played out millions of times in millions of ways. Tying the concern of parents dying to the break between father and son is a difficult task, and you almost got it.

I have experienced the break from both ends, as the son and the father, and do agree that there is a lot unspoken (or "uncried") at that time. Men do have that tendency to withhold emotions, at least from my personal experience.

All that said, I was still looking for something more powerful at the end of this piece.

...Mark