09-11-2015, 11:52 AM
(09-08-2015, 12:50 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: SayHi Tiger, after reading this a few times I feel like my mind is going in figure-eights or something.
sooner or later
it will be tonight
that I finally
have to say goodnight
you should know by now
how I love you
I’ve had forever
to speak
and if I might...
I have a few thoughts: 1) I think lines 3-4 would read better if you moved 'have' up into the third line:
that I finally have
to say goodnight
just sounds smoother to me.
2) I like the trailing-off at the end that wraps back up to the beginning.
All in all I think it's very good.
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.

