To Lick Glass

[billy]

i know this is serious and deserving of a line by line; or should be worthy, but i can only bring myself to generalise and to some extent agree with mark above. it flits from here to there without connections. in some instances it defines logic. a suggestion would be to post in mild or novice for some less in depth feedback.

can something be clearer than clear? the whole first stanza needs to be re thought and reworded in way as to allow the reader to wish to carry on reading. [specially in serious]