Purgatory

[musesbydaylight]

I step onto a ferry, looking towards a horizon of white
and the brilliant radiance sets the night alight
But suddenly, a list of names is read out
My name is called, and I am thrashed about
Hit on the head, and thrown overboard
By none other than Christ, Our Lord.
-So to make a long story short, I am trying to describe the catholic view of the journey from earth to heaven. Those with undaunted souls take the ferry across, those with unconfessed venial sins are instead thrown overboard by Christ and forced to swim across the sea of purgatory to heaven. I don't know. It sounded like a good idea for a poem. I'm not quite done, and was just looking for some feedback. Thanks!

I have a problem from the get go. I wouldn't say the entire idea of Heaven and Hell and Purgatory is entirely fresh. I mean we have video games dealing with Christian mythology now (Dante's Inferno).  You need a drastically different approach to not seem played out. And I'm afraid that isn't what I'm seeing here.

Now the poem itself. I would question the horizon being white when it is supposed to be night. 

Also "thrashed about" sounds comical and is obviously done to force a rhyme with "out".


Other than that I have little to add.

Best of luck with your writing!!