09-08-2015, 02:11 PM
Hi John.
My favourite words in this are:
"thundering hooves conspicuous
by their silence".
As I read them I'm picturing the mares tails. Wondrous things like clouds render me silent. A silence left by thundering hooves has worked for me.
I've put some notes below. Thank you for the poem. Grace.
White chiffon wisps canter
across azure skyfields, cold - I think you could leave out azure.
heralds in a rarefied realm. - cold...realm isn't needed.
Seductive hooks on Andalusian tails; - Good
fingers beckoning to ride
imaginary horses
along impalpable aerial ridges. - these three lines not needed.
Velvet noses that cannot be nuzzled,
no warm scent to savour,
thundering hooves conspicuous
by their silence. - these four lines are lovely.
The weather front
drawn by graceful flicks
of silken ice.- these three lines could begin the poem.
My favourite words in this are:
"thundering hooves conspicuous
by their silence".
As I read them I'm picturing the mares tails. Wondrous things like clouds render me silent. A silence left by thundering hooves has worked for me.
I've put some notes below. Thank you for the poem. Grace.
White chiffon wisps canter
across azure skyfields, cold - I think you could leave out azure.
heralds in a rarefied realm. - cold...realm isn't needed.
Seductive hooks on Andalusian tails; - Good
fingers beckoning to ride
imaginary horses
along impalpable aerial ridges. - these three lines not needed.
Velvet noses that cannot be nuzzled,
no warm scent to savour,
thundering hooves conspicuous
by their silence. - these four lines are lovely.
The weather front
drawn by graceful flicks
of silken ice.- these three lines could begin the poem.
