Nature Has the Write of Way (second draft, title change)

[ellajam]

There's plenty good in this, I think it could use a little trim, but it was an interesting way to come at it. I don't really understand how the guilt and the girl go together, bit I'm willing to give that some time.

Lessons Learned

Some people have nothing to write with
but the pen and paper provided by nature. You might be able to condense the first two lines into an interesting title.
These visions flashed through my mind
in a brief yet vivid sequence: I don't think you need these two lines.
a seaman on a beach, with nothing but a weak break when you've got some great words on the next line that you could bring up. I think you could cut "on a beach" (you've got wet sand).
fishing hook tainted with the dried blood of his victims
to carve his words into the wet sand;
a hunter in the woods, desperate to unleash the guilt
that plagued his conscience at stealing
that feeble sparrow from its mother too soon,
plucking a feather from the fallen bird
and dipping it into the sap of the maple tree Love these two lines.
he returned to every day after a hunt
so he could ease his guilt. You've already told us of the guilt, I'm not sure you needed to say it outright the first time, you already used "victims" above, but I'm not a fan of this repeat.
Then there are those like the girl in her bedroom; the lamp
illuminating her dark eyes and
highlighting her brown hair shades of red. I think you could say this better.
She is overcome with frustration--she must write,
but no words will come. Letting a sigh of defeat
pass her lips, she lays her head upon the cluttered desktop,
and her sigh becomes a choked gasp of pain.
Raising her head, she removes the stylus from her eye, Love this, the stylus surprised me.
and with the tip still damp with her blood and tears,
she proceeds to write more than she had ever written before.
When her poem was finished, there she sat,
wishing for the frustration to overtake her once more,
because sometimes it's better to have none of something
than to have too much. I think you should rethink these last four lines, I'm sure you could say it it a more concise and interesting way.  

Good read, thanks for posting it.

Well here it is: the product of my stream of consciousness. The offspring of my writer's block and a bit too much Wilbur Smith Egyptian novels involving blood. Honestly I expected it to be worse. I didn't intend to post it but I want to improve it, if it's not totally trash. So I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thanks in advance!