Song of the Buoyant Spirits (Rev. #3)

[peacejazzspirit]

To An Underappreciated Gift O windows of the heavens, I thought you were going to talk about something more special. Universal or not, with its strength, a storm can only be a gift well appreciated or a curse well hated: it can never be so tepidly loved as your title so says. Retrospectively, I mean, since the title gives not a good idea, nor a good background, nor even a good sign (ie thing to point to, the proper function of a name) of/on/for the poem -- I strongly suggest you change it, or at least remove any statements or suggestions containing "unappreciated".

Crying tears of joy,
noise of booming laughter and cheers ring out,
loud roars of freedom and victory
reverberating from sky to ground.
Round and revolving, the mosaic of Earth is cleansed, Capitalizing "earth" implies, to my mind, either the planet or the person. And yet, I don't think the scope of your poem is of Diluvial proportions, so pull the letter down.
rinsed, bathed,
swathed by the entrails of the clouds. I wonder: entrails is insides, so are you implying a red (or colon colored -- eew) sky, ie that the storm is ended? Otherwise, why not just "swathed by clouds"?
Oust, for a day, the parching sun!
Thunderstorms are gifts, you see:
rejuvenation, so palpable, that cascades from the sky. Not exactly a bit of criticism, but with what I'm currently reading, I find it really strange when a poem turns a universal idea on something so material into something so, er, material -- that is, since you don't seem to be talking about thunderstorms of the spirit (if so, it would be fairer of you to use more concrete descriptions, in the sense of your associations being easily realized in the eyes), I wonder why you have to reinforce the idea that they're palpable, ie material. Would not the natural direction be to move up, to turn them into something spiritual (rejuvenation over, say, wetting), rather than, with that one parenthetic, to suddenly return to the touchable?

Hi RiverNotch,
Thanks for your crit. I do want to point out a few things though:
I never said "unappreciated", I said "underappreciated". But, I will alter the title to a more fitting one.
Away goes the capital E.
"entrails of the clouds" was the water which poured forth from them.
I understand what you mean with the last line, but something palpable doesn't have to be material. Tension could be palpable; excitement could be palpable; able to be sensed or easily felt, I didn't mean it in a materialistic way. I have a hard time ending things, so I'll work on it.
Thanks again,
PJS