Tequila And Its Smoky Cousin Mezcal

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Cousin. I think my understanding of this poem was greatly enhanced by my misinterpretation of your "Sitting Shiva" poem.   Stylistically it works for me. Although I still wonder about the caps at the line starts. If I could articulate why, I think it is that the writing style is somewhat rebellious and the caps feel almost retro-conformist. OK, won't bring that up again. 

Enjoyed this one. Hope some of that helps and was not too much for Miscel.
Paul

Hey Paul,

I understand your sentiments, I usually am rambunctious when it comes to caps, commas, etc., and for the most part I like it that way. When I read my stuff, I think it works, and it all has intention. That's just the voice I'm working with, not that it's anything particularly profound. But it means a good deal to see that you think it works too, at least in this piece's case. In regards to comments:

"Drawing and dragging at" is one of my favorite lines from this one. Just satisfying to say. Happy to see you noticed it. "Brassy laughs" too.

I didn't give "mezcal" its own line because I liked the idea of "Tequila" becoming a focal point and later a symbol for the real reason Kenny goes down to Mexico. Tequila is what the 'purpose' of the trip is, but the real reason he travels south is for the company, experience, etc. Mezcal is only a piece of that experience. Tequila is isolated and capped to give attention to it and to clue the audience in on the real meaning of that bottle. Plus, it's just fun to say.

"Smoky" or "smokey", same difference. I don't know if you're British and if the spelling differs in your neck of the woods, but American English accepts both spellings to my knowledge. I've mostly seen it excluding the "e".

I will keep in mind your other suggestions, and also, don't hold back on my work even when in Misc. All the feedback is greatly appreciated.

Cousin

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Hey CK-

Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.  

Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams.  This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)

Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.

I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.  

... Mark

Mark,

I considered your line length suggestion, deliberated, and made adjustments to a couple lines. There are some I will fight you on though haha, for instance "drawing and dragging at". I love where that breaks too much.

I've seen some of Leanne's work, she is STELLAR

For my stuff, don't get bogged down too much by where it is (forum-wise). I got open ears all the time.

Glad you enjoyed it, and I've found I always enjoy hearing (well, seeing actually) what you have to say

Best,
Cousin

My mistake. 

With a smoky jug of mezcal I want this to read "with a jug of smokey mezcal" No?

"Smokey" spelling was MY typo. What I meant was shouldn't the mezcal be smoky, rather than the jug. 
Paul