09-03-2015, 11:45 AM
the revision is an improvement, I think
(08-23-2015, 09:23 AM)BrokenSoul Wrote: Revision #1
The light begins to fade, maybe scratch out 'the' and remove the comma
shrouded in a mist of deception.
Faint shadows are all that remain.
The fire that once warmed me
now bathes another with its glow
as darkness falls around me. darkness falls around me is terribly cliche. I think maybe you can focus on feeling here, I'm not sure there is a lot of value in the light/dark contrast, especially when you trade the light for a feeling of warmth, but don't provide a contrasting feeling...
Perhaps the light was never truly mine.
A phantom guiding me along a path with no end.its the mirrors
Where do I go from here?
I seek comfort in the shadows saftey?
where I cannot be seen.
But truth can be seen...and felt.