09-03-2015, 04:39 AM
Hey CK-
Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.
Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams. This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)
Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.
I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.
... Mark
Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.
Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams. This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)
Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.
I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.
... Mark