09-01-2015, 03:13 PM
(08-30-2015, 10:34 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote: Minor edit...This seems like you're describing a murder scene, but leaving out all details of what actually happened. It's hard to piece everything together for me.
The hearth sat
crooked. It's pitted
stony face rested heavily
on grimy soot covering
rotted wooden planking.
The last surviving ember
surrendered to cold ash.
Opposite the hearth, I don't think you need this comma.
sat a splintered rocker.
Utilitarian but well built, Utilitarian and well built go together naturally in my eyes; the "but" implies some sort of contradiction.
it stood firm against the dead
weight, while it's knotted
creaking feet sheltered the floor I don't think of a rocking chair as having feet.
from decay and drops of crimson. Presumably blood. I don't have any idea why/how it got there though, or what it signifies.
A wooden door defending
breathless freinds from icy friends
swirling fog that surrounded
the cabin had just recently
lost the war.
Footsteps and screams faded into the black. Whose footsteps and screams? Why are they screaming and running? A murder just happened or something (the blood)? I feel like I'm missing some key details.

