09-01-2015, 12:44 PM
this was a good poem to read. I like the sing songy effect. it catches you off guard, which I reckon is the point here. Speaker is writing to a bad man, let's not start with the accusations just yet.
the poem has the potential to be pretty good, with a few more thoughtful edits.
(08-22-2015, 07:32 PM)Misanthrope Wrote: Do you miss the times of silly rhymes and charming fairy-tales?
Do you miss the fun of plastic guns and boats with paper sails?
Do you miss the same old stupid game you used to pay with dad? play, obviously
Do you miss the dreams that died it seems the life you could’ve had? oh, yuck, disgusting. get it away please. Could you keep the hope you lost to cope with the life you led as a lad, or something else please
Would you change the way you left that day knowing, then, what you do? not working either..
Would you change the words they overheard knowing there’s no take two?
Would you change the life of made-up strife that now is all too real? psuedo-strife
Would you change the choice and used your voice not thinking you should steal?
Do you miss the times of silly rhymes and charming fairytales?
Do you miss the fun of plastic guns now that you’re locked in jail? lost to jail, speaker maybe lost something too.
the poem has the potential to be pretty good, with a few more thoughtful edits.