09-01-2015, 05:39 AM
(08-23-2015, 09:23 AM)BrokenSoul Wrote: Where is my light?Broken soul, the speaker's emotion in this poem is palpable. The anger and resentment come through strongly which is great, but the poem is lacking in places. I like the image of the lights still flickering in the first stanza, the love/light has not been fully extinguished despite the hurt the poet feels. I feel like this image and idea could be developed a bit, possibly create a richer image of the light and how it came to fade. I also think the question in the first line is a bit redundant, if flickers remain, then the light is not essentially lost just dimmed.
It once burned hot,
But only flickers remain.
The love that once warmed me,
Now flows through another.
Darkness falls.
Anger and despair are my present.
My past was a lie.
So what is my truth?
Ignorance is my bliss,
But that is a facade.
Truth can be seen...and felt.
In the penultimate stanza, I think that rather than just stating that anger and despair is what the speaker feels try to show this idea through more detailed imagery. Perhaps, the image of a person curled up in pain, or a tear stained face - something like that. I also think the stanza could do without the "so" for example:
My past was a lie.
What is my truth?
The feeling and emotion is clearly there but try to make the poem richer and more powerful, so that the reader can not only see that the speaker is in pain but actually feel this pain for themselves.