08-31-2015, 01:54 PM
hi broken, welcome to the site. first off, you need to give something of a more solid nature; looking at the poem it could be about almost anything. tie it down and claim it as direct link to what you want to say. show us something of depth.
(08-23-2015, 09:23 AM)BrokenSoul Wrote: Where is my light? are you a smoker?
It once burned hot, so the light was a candle? do thing burn cold?
But only flickers remain. [now it flickers]
make it real, what light, what was it like? use an image of how it burned hot, did it burn as hot as the pits of hades? as hot as a pair of testicles slathered with tiger balm? simile and metaphor are your friends when it comes to strengthening a poem.
The love that once warmed me,
Now flows through another.
Darkness falls.
Anger and despair are my present.
My past was a lie.
So what is my truth?
Ignorance is my bliss,
But that is a facade.
Truth can be seen...and felt.