08-31-2015, 11:55 AM
i like the general feeling of this poem, but i think it needs more detail. you tell this poem in first-person, so the lack of detail makes it too confusing. what caused your light to go away? why is your love flowing through another (by the way, that stanza was a bit cliché)? why are you angry and despairing? what about your past was a lie? what is the truth (that is the question everyone asks)?
i think this poem can get better with some editing, if you intend to do so. also, and this seems to be present in a lot of just-up-and-running poets, you capitalize every line. in my opinion, it can disrupt the flow occasionally but just to let you know there are other options out there.
anyhow, good luck.
43.
i think this poem can get better with some editing, if you intend to do so. also, and this seems to be present in a lot of just-up-and-running poets, you capitalize every line. in my opinion, it can disrupt the flow occasionally but just to let you know there are other options out there.
anyhow, good luck.
43.
like you've been shot (bang bang bang)