I never choose fruit

[rayheinrich]

Hi there!

Cool poem. I don't actually mind the title. For me, "I never choose fruit" provides the idea
of never choosing sweetness, never choosing health, never going for something bright.
The content of the poem is anything but sweet and happy, so in that sense, it works for me.

Beyond that, however, I'm not entirely sure what the central themes of the poem are. During
a tranquil moment, the speaker drifts into the violent sounds of city, yet turns them even more
violent in his head with the images of dust having hands and burning bodies. By the third stanza,
I wasn't sure if the scene was actually happening or not. Even though the images are concrete,
the idea behind them seems vague, like it isn't quite translating. There is mention of machines--man
and machine specifically--and it almost leads me to believe that perhaps the intent was to discuss
how technology is impacting the planet and society.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what to gather here. I think it's nicely written, though.
Sorry if that wasn't helpful!

Bay

    9/11

Ah, okay. Thanks. In that case, it needs more 9/11 specific details. It doesn't have enough details specific
to New York City either. Many cities have endured acts of terrorism. This could be about anything.

While I'm not sure what Keith had in mind for this poem,  I don't think it's useful to put in
too many specific details. That's why my crit took many of them out.

A poem doesn't have to be a documentary that fills in specific dates, places, etc. I'm not saying it
couldn't be, just that it doesn't have to be. There are a zillion poems that recount 9/11, they've
become a cliché.  The second a reader identifies it as one of those "9/11" poems, they will lose
interest. It's not that the subject isn't emotionally important, it's that its constant repetition --
especially when being used as a pretext for political or monetary gain -- has numbed their senses.  
I.E. : Through no fault of its own, 9/11 has become a cliché.

So I guess my best advice would be to not write about 9/11. But what if  it happened to you, or what if  
you're just a stubborn poet who insists on writing about it? If this were my poem (and it's not), I'd concentrate
on locally perceivable images, and then I'd limit them to the details specifically available to just one person.  
The emotional effect of these details, because they're not readily identifiable with the cliché of the "Historic Event",  
could be freshly felt.  ---------- Or, ha ha, so the theory goes…    :-)


What I like about Keith's poem is that it seems he's trying to do just that.
(If so, then maybe my crits will be of help.)

Ray