I never choose fruit

[rayheinrich]

00  I never choose fruit

01  Every lunchtime I slip away,
02  sit on my park bench meal deal,
03  coffee with a shot of vanilla,
04  sandwiches and a chocolate biscuit
05  or fruit.
06  
07  The city drones regardless,
08  a backdrop to my tranquil moment.
09  Today is different, it taps for my attention,
10  vocal chords that wont hold still
11  they shout and scream,
12  blowing panic, man and machine
13  that tumble down crowded streets
14  quicker with each step,
15  rubble falls around me
16  
17  I feel like a drunk woken at a party
18  stumbling to process the marker-pen scene,
19  drowning sirens are seen not heard
20  dust has its hands down my throat.
21  The rubble turns to burning bodies,
22  thumping to the ground,
23  splitting branches from the trees.
24  My mind had told my legs to run
25  long before it told me.  


00 You need a new title.  Maybe use the first of your line 12: 'blowing panic'

1 drop 'i slip away'
2 drop 'sit'
3-7 ok
8 cliché, delete or rephrase, don't use 'backdrop' or  'tranquil'
9 cliché: 'Today is different' , but i like  'it taps for my attention'
rephrase 9 so it transitions to 10
10 ok
11 delete
12 use a word to re-connect it with 10
14 cliché , delete
15 not needed, delete
17-19 good
20 delete
21 good
22 delete
23 good
24-25 delete