Reading with Bifocals (Revision 4)

[Quixilated]

Hi Todd,
First off, love this!

Based on the title and the ending, I am reading this with the understanding that all the action in this poem is accomplished by the letters on the page of the book that the speaker is attempting to read. The bifocals are proving unreliable and as a result the words are misbehaving etc. Honestly, the first time through I thought it was a rant about hyperactive kids and how these days they're all just sugar addicts. However, children don't often hide in the darkness of middle age ... I hope.

I love the bit about the letters slouching with untucked shirts, or the idea that one is just wobbling all around more than the rest. I put your "sound/motion" bit in the middle because the first part ends with a tapping sound, then you move on to the scurrying motion of the sugar addicted cockroach children or whatever they are. Really I love this, and was just having a bit of fun playing with your toys.
-Quix

Revisiond

A line of soldiers, once rigid,
slumps with untucked shirts, and one
is tapping his foot with the rhythm
of a dripping faucet.
What started with sound
has ended in motion.
Now they are hyperactive children 
mainlining sugar, tiny cockroaches 
that scurry in and out
of focus, hiding in the cold darkness
of middle age.
I actually liked your first ending, just "scurrying into the cold darkness of middle age" I think it got the point across just as well, and it had more grip .. or oomph or whatever you want to call it.
~~~~

Original
What started with sound
has ended in motion.
The words are hyperactive
children mainlining sugar;
tiny cockroaches scurrying
into the cold darkness
of middle age.

~~~

Edit: Changed the title from Bifocals to Reading with Bifocals, made some other changes reflecting on the comments.

Made another quick edit based on Tom's comments (still thinking about the faucet part) not enough to justify a revision--though I did readjust many of the breaks.